Cure For Insomnia

I’ve just noticed how general the verb "kiss" is. Everyone knows what it means but in essence it’s never specific enough.

For example, a very light kiss on the cheeks is called a peck and a more, ahem, aggresive kiss would be called a smooch.

For the ones where a couple exchange dental records, the term "lip-locking" or "makin’ out" can be used.

And these words caught me in a dilemma, because none can accurately describe what Richard Gere was doing.

If you can find a word which means "bending the receiving partner over like she’s an invertebrate and kissing her cheeks until you have her DNA all over your mouth", do leave a comment at the bottom of this post.

Til then, i’ll refer to this kiss as "the Richard Gere".
During this AIDS awareness campaign which is hosted by Bollywood’s Shilpa Shetty, ol’ filthy Rich proceeds to let his common sense go AWOL as he leaves his mark on (the clearly surprised) hostess.

In front of hundreds in the audience. And a video camera. Which was on.
So where does the video end up? Like, DUH, where else?

Youtube, Metacafe, Ifilm…

But being a fan of Rich, (more like a sympathiser, actually) i’ll try to justify his actions.

Hey, maybe he’s auditioning for his next film role: a Dracula?
Or maybe it was all planned beforehand like the Janet Jackson fiasco. Then Rich can say: "It was a hormone malfunction."

Damn right it was, man. Damn right.

Now we’re back in Malaysia. You have to love me, i always save the best for last.
You see, many people made complains to the Malaysian Board of Censorship because they were angry that kissing scenes in films were cut. (My, aren’t Malaysians a horny bunch?)

And the response…
     "Kissing scenes are cut because kissing is not part of Malaysian culture."

Not part of our culture?

So, you mean films are an accurate reflection of a nation’s cultural identity?

Baaah. As i have a lot of time to muck about nowadays, i decide to find our country’s BUDAYA.

After a painstaking research, my report is complete!
Here’s my findings. In most Malaysian movies, :

1) We always get an eyeful (or at least a glimpse) of the Two Towers. No, dammit, not the LOTR one! I mean the Petronas Twin Tower and KL Tower. Go ahead, tell me a movie which didn’t have a view of those two. …. And no, P. Ramlee movies don’t count!

2) A whole lot of Protons on the road.
Proton: A car with the durability and toughness of an average Jacob’s biscuit tin.

3) Boring, one dimensional characters.

4) Lame acting.

5) Laughable storylines.

6) People eating nasi lemak (directly translated to English as "Fat Rice"), roti canai (translated as "Beaten-up Bread") with teh tarik ("Pull Tea"), etc etc.

Therefore, according to Mr. Board of Censorship (sorry, didn’t catch his name), an average cultured Malaysian would be boring, one dimensional, wooden, leads laughable lives, drives a Proton and eats high carb food, while somehow looking at the Two Towers.

Gah! I’m none of these! (except maybe the boring, Proton and high carb part)

Gasp!

CULTURE SHOCK!

So congrats, Mr. Board of Censorship, you’ve just screwed Visit Malaysia 2007. Nah, don’t take this so badly… We still have Visit Malaysia 2008, 2009, 2010, 2011…

This entry was posted on Thursday, May 3rd, 2007 at 9:41 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.