Cure For Insomnia

I know it sounds crappy,

but I’ll be hard-pressed to squeeze in time and effort to continue updating this blog…

The harsh reality of STPM is kicking in…

And thus, I must sacrifice the time I currently possess to concentrate on studying, reading etc.

Don’t worry, I’m not gonna die (touches wood) nor will i be sent to outer space on an obscure mission (touches wood again)…

I’m just gonna stop updating my blog til STPM’s over….

Til then, adios.

Your King/Emperor,

BLOODBANE… The man, from Baaahland….

…Cos you don’t wanna see doctors too often, do ya?

There was a time when being a doctor was COOL, the ULTIMATE profession everyone desires.

Of course, at that time Michael Jackson is still black. (Yes, he WAS black once)

And Charlie Charplin was still alive.

Now, why does everyone dread being a doctor?

I know why. Based on my own experiences.

This is a true story.

I’m not boasting… I just wanna share this with you….

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In a past not so distant…

I have a certain sickness/health problem called ingrown toenail and my lovely right foot thumb suffered infection which, according to my father, "caused an imflammation," and this means that my thumb tissues will "rot" unless treated.

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Unless given proper attention, I run the risk of getting my feet "amputated" (cut/chopped off).

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I wasn’t celebrating when I found out.

So I went to the nearest clinic to ensure I won’t live the rest of my life with the nickname "One-Feet-Hill".

At first everything was fine. It looked like a normal clinic.

The waiting room was air-conditioned, the seats are organized, and the receptionist wasn’t male (Normal, eh?). (+5 points)

I was called to see the doc without having to wait. (+1 point) So i left my seat, and entered a room that i’m gonna visit many more times in the near future. (…Sigh…)

Inside was a male doc (-25 points) with a mole on his lower lip (-5 points) by the name of Dr. XXX**. Whoa, even his name sounds evil hah.

So he looked at my right foot and asked, "What’s wrong?"

Then I said… Then he said… Then I said… Then he said….

So he used a very sharp thingy to take out the part of my nail embedded within my flesh. With minimal anaesthetics. But, being the man I am, I did not cry out in pain (because no amount of tears will be enough to justify my excruciating experience.)

After the process, he wrapped my toe-thumb with a bandage and some plasters (as if that’s gonna help.) and told me to take care of my toe because Inflammation will rot my tissues and may force amputation of my right foot.

………..

…..THANKS FOR REMINDING ME!

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2 days later, there wasn’t any progress of healing on my thumb, so I went there again.

He looked at my right foot and asked, "What’s wrong?"

So he used a very sharp thingy to take out the part of my nail embedded within my flesh. With minimal anaesthetics. But, being the man I am, I did not cry out in pain (because no amount of tears will be enough to justify my excruciating experience.)

Then he told me to take care of the wound, because bla bla bla.

After a week, my right thumb hasn’t healed, instead my LEFT foot thumb is having the same problem. So I went there again (I’m dumb, eh?).

He looked at my right foot and left foot and asked, "What’s wrong?"

So he used a very sharp thingy to take out the part of my nail embedded within my flesh. With minimal anaesthetics. But, being the man I am, I did not cry out in pain (because no amount of tears will be enough to justify my excruciating experience.)

Then he told me to something something somethingy thingy thingy blablabla…

As you can see, a pattern is developing here.

In fact, I went there so often for the next few months that my sister thought I’m secretly seeing somebody.

In school, Ai Wah asks daily: "Can I step on your feet?" while smiling evilly. "No,no, I won’t step on it…. Hahaha" She usually adds with a glint in the eye. Which is scary.

VERY.

Whenever someone asks me about the wound, however, I will answer like this: "The nail overgrows, and instead of going upwards, it goes sideways. Basically part of my nail will impale/stab (hands does stabbing motion) the inner flesh of my thumb. Hahaha. (Face makes an evil, happy psycho look.) To take out the extra nail, the doctor will use an extremely sharp thingy (screams a C-Sharp note) to PUUUULLLL (said with more impact) it out without much anaesthesia. Hahaha. (Face makes a happier psycho freak look)

By then, most people would make disgusting expressions on their faces (Ding’s being the most memorable)…. Man, that was enjoyable…. Until my toe starts hurting again, during which I will curse the doctor over and over and over….

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i’ve also got into more conversations with him (talking reduces the pain, slightly) and I found out that he has a band with his fellow friends. And that he loves Al Pacino. And that he had another patient like me… "She’s 9 years old. Heehee."

BAAAH!

So I stopped seeing him on one occasion. And, guess what?

The wounds HEALED by itself within a few days!

Imagine if i’ve continued receiving "treatment".

ONE FEET HILL. (make sure Chad Michael Murray plays ME!)

So, kids….

Eat those apples.

Now.

P.S. Dr XXX’s band name is……

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SLAUGHTERHOUSE.

Just want you to know. Ciao.

And finally, FINALLY…

The World Cup is oveeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrr……!!!!!

Don’t I sound happy?

Most people who knows me would know that I love football…

So, why am I happy, you ask?

I’ve already answered!

I love football, not some overhyped/overrated/oversponsored/oversaturated "matches".

So glad it’s gone… Till 4 years later…. Baaah hah hahaha!

HAhahahaha….

hahaha…..

hahah….

ha….

h….

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Ok, now that the good news is outta the way,

might i introduce the BAAAAAD News?

I mean BAD. (No reaction from the crowd)

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As in, BAD, man. (No reaction from the crowd)

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Very BAD. Very very BAD. (No reaction from the crowd)

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Horribly, terribly, unequivocally BAAADDD. (No reaction by the crowd)

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It involves money. (crowd riots and runs for dear sanity)

Yeah, THAT BAD.

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Whoa, still not asleep by now? Not BAD.

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… My LOVELY school has decided that merely raising/collecting/taking/stealing/absorbing/siphoning RINGGIT from the students via the fund-raising "FAMILY DAY" (2nd post) isn’t enough. No no no.

Now they’re complaining again, about how the whole world is a crappy dung place and students are a bunch of ungrateful, unappreciative stuck-ups (can’t deny that) merely because…. you’ve guessed it, they didn’t "RAISE" enough cash!

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So now we’re blamed for not being co-operative and, as a result, each of the Form 6 students need to pay RM 100 (crowd screams) to the headmisstr,i mean school so as to "finance" the….

Finance the….

Damn, why do we need to pay that amount eh?

No one knows. Not even the idio, i mean headmisstress.

"Semua ini modal yang perlu bagi menyediakan kertas kerja, latihan dan membawa lecturer dari luar untuk mendidik kita, ya?"

"Pihak sekolah tidak mempunyai agenda lain, ya?"

"Tolong bertenang, ya?"

"Senarai penuh perbelanjaan yang kami lakukan akan disediakan bagi tatapan semua pelajar, ya?"

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Okay, actually we were not asked to pay the RM 100 because we screwed "Hari Keluarga, ya?".     We WERE supposed to pay it the year before (though no one did) to fund the " kertas kerja, latihan dan membawa lecturer dari luar untuk mendidik kita, ya?"

I’m just trying to make the school sound more evil.

Alas, I only succeeded in making them sound more stupid than they actually are.

Which IS not an easy task to accomplish.

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Note: The "kertas kerjas and latihans", are COMPLETELY taken from books we’ve already got, the "notas" are from tuitions we’ve already attended…

BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!

I’ve never told this to anyone, (except Vix) but i have psychic abilities.

Just by the way you talk, the way you act, etc..

I can tell who and what you are.

This is an ability not to be messed with, especially at the hands of a power-abuser.

Don’t believe? Silly you. I have proof.

Just answer the questions below honestly, I can tell who it is….

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                            BEGIN!

                      1) Do you think I’m handsome?

A) NOOOOO!!! (claps repeatedly) Very good, very good!

B) NOOOOO!!! You’re ugly! OOOPPSSSHHH, did I just say that…? I’m sorry…. I’m just kidding… IT WASNT MY FAULT….

C) You? Handsome? RIIIIIIIIIGHT….

D) Holland lost.

E) My mum said, if there’s nothing good to say, then don’t say anything.

F) Tak selawa aku!

G) …….

H) Yes, You’re handsome.

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                 2) If I’m falling of a cliff, would you try to save me?

A) NOOOOO!!! (claps repeatedly) Very good, very good!

B) NOOOOO!!! You’re falling! OOOPPSSSHHH, did I just say that…? I’m sorry…. I’m just kidding… IT WASNT MY FAULT….

C) Me? Help you? RIIIIIIIIIGHT….

D) Holland lost.

E) My mum said, if there’s nothing good to say, then don’t say anything.

F) Haha no way..!

G) …….

H) Yes, I’ll (try to)save you.

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      3) Would you consider me to be the nicest person you’ve ever known?

A) NOOOOO!!! (claps repeatedly) Very good, very good!

B) NOOOOO!!! You’re not nice at all! OOOPPSSSHHH, did I just say that…? I’m sorry…. I’m just kidding… IT WASNT MY FAULT….

C) You? Nice? RIIIIIIIIIGHT….

D) Holland lost.

E) My mum said, if there’s nothing good to say, then don’t say anything.

F) Tak sebaik aku!!

G) …….

H) Yes, You’re the nicest.

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       Using these answers you picked, I can tell who you are….

        If you’ve picked…..

A), you’re Kelvin and you’re a pain in everyone’s… AHEM! i hope he doesn’t comment on this one…

B), you’re SHIIIIEEEEKKKK!!!!!

C), you’re either Jeannie or Ai Wah. You two ARE very similar…

D), Ling Ling? you have Friendster account? Aren’t you a bit too old for this?

E), the Dingy has spoken.

F), pasti Azni!

G), i don’t know you. Add me.

And…. If you’ve picked the answer H) for at least one of the questions above…….

i have only this to say…..

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WHAT IS WROOOOOONG WITH YOUUUUUUUU!!!!?????????

Lately, a little known magazine called Reader’s Digest ( monthly circulation: 21 million) published the results of their latest survey, which was conducted to determine which country is rude and which one isn’t.
Unfortunately, Malaysia, or more accurately Kuala Lumpur, was rated as the 3rd ‘rudest’ nation/city of the 35 countries ’surveyed’….

But, seriously, is this judgement fair?

As a patriotic Baaahlandian (national anthem plays) and not-so-patriotic part-time Malaysian, I must say that I find the validity of the survey highly QUESTIONABLE!

This is due to the fact that, of all the places i’ve been to, (Baaahland, Malaysia, and……er…..damn, i need to jalan-jalan more) I find M’sia to be the most helpful and courteous.

For example, whenever a pregnant lady is standing in a bus, we NEVER give our seat to them. Ever.
Know why?
Because we’re trying to discourage her from travelling on a bus. Recent research have shown that constantly being pushed and shoved in a compact area could harm the baby’s long term health. If we give our seat to her, it’s like we’re persuading her to go out more often, which is bad for the BB.
(Man, that was a great lie…)
Ahem.

Another one: Foreigners complain that Malaysians never help when asked for directions. That’s a laughable claim. You see, no matter what, we ALWAYS give directions when asked.(but not the right way, of course. That requires payment of a few Ringgit.)

I think this problem stems from the fact that the foreigners/gweilos/illegal workers/immigrants have difficulty understanding our special, hybridised Malaysian-English language, the MANGLISH*.

( *A language where every sentence ends with "lah", "lor", "mah" or "money no enough".)

So, summarily, it’s not our fault.

( Man, 2 great lies in a row! I’m rolling here!)

Ahem AHEM.

Some observers also had the balls to say that Malaysians are unhygienic, because we never flush the toilet after use.

Actually, we did. But the flush doesn’t work. So why bother?

Therefore, ladies and gentleman, i have dispelled the notion that Malaysians are rude. But still, there will be some smarty pants who will say bad things about M’sia, such as "Malaysians are dumb" or "Malaysians are back-minded" or "Malaysia is just a 3rd world country". All are false (except the last one.)

I can stand these comments.

What i cannot stand, is when other people say that Malaysians are FOUL-MOUTHED.

I mean, how dare those *****?

Who the ***** do they think they are to make such ******comments about our ***@*** bloody country?  We’re a ******democratic nation which never ****** or ***** unlike the *******^! ******* ******* *******!!!!!!

Seriously, what proof do they have that we’re foul-mouthe….

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OOPS.

Somebody has set us up the bomb, that’s what.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_iTj3S3LVu4

Above is an actual videogame prologue, from the game Zero Wing. I remember many years ago, playing this game, and LOLing so hard, my lungs nearly burst.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aqWzWAs_2k4

Above is the recreation of that scene.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=55_RY26UZwc

And last but not least, Scryed + All your base = WINNAH!!!

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For great justice!

Well… 4th post.

You come, you click, you read, but how much exactly do you know about Baaahland? (3 a’s)

… Not much, eh.

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Wanna know more?

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Oh come on. You wanna know, right?

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BAGI MUKALAHHHHH!!!!

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Baaahland is a dictato… i mean democratic nation located east of Godknowswhere and north of the Isle of Noonecares.

Baaahland is a unique country in which access is permitable even to tourists who do not possess the otherwise neccessary travel documents, i.e. passports.

In the latest Believemenot report, this nation has an official population of ONE.

The national anthem of Baaahland can be found here: http://www.ocremix.org/remix/OCR01371/

(Download mix at new window)

According to Baaahland media, their main export can be used as fertilizers. However, no solid source can be taken as proof of this.

And, in contrary to popular belief, this country is not at all affiliated with the middle east country, Bahrain (1 a’s).

However, recent reports have stated that Baaahland is suffering from shortage of funds.

"There is no such thing," said Handsome King Bloodbane. "We still have enough financial recources to fund me, i mean my country, for the next few days. Our economy is going places," He added.

"I shall ensure my citizen’s satisfaction. And so my next action would be (looks at calendar)…. WHAT!? TODAY IS JULY 2!!! YEAHHHHHHH! IT’S LINDSAY LOHAN’S BIRTHDAAAAYYYY!!!!!!"

"LINDSAAAAAAAYYYYYYYY!"